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Expectations in a relationship

    Expectations in a relationships and you me us image

    What are your expectations in a relationship? Often people go into relationships thinking that they will solve all their problems. But that isn’t the purpose of relationships. Relationships should provide some measure of safety and security and perhaps some economic benefits, but they should also challenge us to grow as a person – to better ourselves.

    What are some wrong expectations in a relationship?


    It is wrong to go into a relationship expecting your partner to make you happy. Your happiness is your own responsibility. To stay happy, you need to get into a good routine – going to bed early, getting enough quality sleep, enough exercise, a good diet and so on. You may even need some counseling to resolve issues that have arisen in your life and to learn better ways to cope with the demands of daily living.


    It is definitely wrong to go into a relationship expecting your partner to make you rich. Sure you may be able to share some costs and file taxes jointly, and this may reduce your expenses a little. But ultimately your success at your work, career, studies and so on is your responsibility.


    Sure having a partner does help reduce loneliness. But you shouldn’t be totally dependent on one person. You need to make it a priority to continue and develop other friendships. And to maintain ties with your family members too.

    What issues can having the wrong expectations in a relationship cause?

    You may feel that your expectations are not being met. This may leave you feeling disappointed and perhaps resentful of your partner. You may even seek a divorce as a result. So the impact of having the wrong expectations can be devastating and bring a lot of emotional pain and sadness.

    What are better expectations to have?

    It is best to go into a relationships with a view to being largely self-sufficient. But to share your joys with your partner.

    You should expect there will be ups and downs in your relationship just as there are in your own life.

    You should expect that your partner may challenge you to grow as a person. How loving can you be? What loving actions can you take? How do you feel after doing these sorts of loving actions?

    Do you feel appreciated? Do you both reflect on what you are grateful for in your lives? This is a good thing to do together. What goals do you have for yourself to grow as a person? What goals do you have as a couple?

    Sometimes it is good to have some relationship counseling to make sure you are both on the same page. It can take time to work out the logistics of living with someone. Who will do this chore? Who will do that chore? How will you arrange your finances etc? It is also good to learn how to communicate clearly and even how to fight fair when necessary. Fighting fair means airing your grievances in a way that won’t cause long term damage to the relationship.